The Sauce Awards - Season Finale

February 09, 2018 | Leave a Comment

Ok, wow. This is really it, you guys - our last Sauce Awards. We've come so far, eaten plenty of wings and grown so much as individuals (hopefully). With all the amazing plays and delicious sauces, we have discussed, I would just like to say that my favorite part about this blog is the readers that make this whole thing possible. So, mom, grandma, dad - from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for reading this blog. Can't wait to deliver the Sauce again next September. Oh, and here are the highlights from the playoffs...

Loco Bueno - Marcus Mariota TD to Marcus Mariota

About once a summer, on the unluckiest (and nicest) of days, I'd be unable to find a single soul to play outside with me. A cloudless-warm-but-not-too, delight-filled day with endless possibilities wasted because all the neighborhood kids were either out of town or grounded for spraying their little sister with silly string one too many times. My brothers weren't of much help either, my proposition for activity met with a glazed look only someone who was approaching their fifth straight hour of Legend of Zelda could give. "Sigh. It looks like it's just me, myself and I today," I mumbled as I strapped down the Velcro on my Batman Reeboks. I then proceeded to grab a football out of the ball bucket we had in the garage; I usually went for the basketball because that was the easiest and most fun sport to play alone, but I had committed to a Tiki Barber jersey, and you can't shoot hoops in a Tiki Barber jersey. And then I did this (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Gug3aN1Ki8) until dinner.

So basically, what I'm trying to say is, Marcus Mariota didn't have any friends growing up.

Atomic Meltdown - Don't blame Marcus Williams

With absolutely no stake in this game (mmm steak), I audibly screamed at my television watching this play unfold just out of sheer shock (mmm corn). I mean shoot, The Saints had this thing wrapped up (mmm wraps). Sean Payton was mocking opposing fans, players were de-cleating, Erin Andrews was interviewing Drew Brees about why the cut underneath his eye hasn't gotten any better since 2010, the game was over. And there's no question Marcus Williams missed the tackle, but I honestly believe that the Vikings would've won regardless. Stefon Diggs momentum was pulling him out of bounds, and there was still three seconds remaining when he made the catch at about the Saints 38-yard line. It's the take no one is talking about, and I think poor Marcus Williams deserves that much.

Flying Fajita - Eagles fans celebrate

I'm on record saying I will, in fact, be pulling for the Eagles this weekend. Big of me I know, but it is due entirely to the celebration videos that surfaced after the NFC championship. I saw somebody drive a jeep up whatever those "important" stairs are in Philly, someone else riding on top of a car, plenty of things on fire, pretty much all the stuff I'd like to see again but on a larger scale. Don't get me wrong, these are still two of the four franchises in the NFL I despise the most (the others will remain nameless because it may spoil my allegiances). I just think I can forgive a few thousand isolated incidents of Eagles fans discordant behavior because I'd like to enjoy whatever madness ensues in Philadelphia from a safe distance. I'm the cool parent that looks the other way when my son's friends carry in cases of beer into my basement. Don't be that lame Patriot's parent that calls the house where their kid said they were going that night to make sure there would be parents' home. Be the cool Eagles parent with me.

The Boss - Gronk saves the world

Wow, without this video of Rob Gronkowski telling teens not to eat Tide Pods, how would teens ever know that Tide Pods shouldn't be eaten? They wouldn't, that's how. Tide's Frankenstein grew larger than they could control and their decision to save humanity was simple: enlist America's most highly regarded spokesperson to make an educational video or answer the door for the apocalypse. Thank you for your service, Gronk. You saved the world.

See you guys next season!

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