The Sauce Awards - Week 11

November 21, 2017 | Leave a Comment

Week 11 of the NFL is wrapped up like a scarf on a hipster and boy do we have some sauce for you. We saw perhaps the shortest quarterback career of all time, a few shanked field goals, and big-time kicker tackles. Let's get saucy:

Old yeller - Georgia Dome implodes

Attention: There will be no expected and overplayed joke about this being a tribute to the Falcons second half performance in Super Bowl LI made at this time.

We just included this because we needed a bigger implosion than the Buffalo Bills.

Atomic Meltdown - Nathan Peterman's five first half INTs

I'm going to break down Bills' head coach, Sean McDermott's decision to bench Tyrod Taylor in favor of the rookie, Nathan Peterman, because analyzing irrational decision making is my specialty. I have the best hindsight of anyone I know. After very little research, I've concluded that there are three possible options as to why McDermott made this head scratcher with his team in the playoff hunt:

1.) He wagered his home betting the "over" for turnovers on Sunday.

There's not much to do in Buffalo besides get in a fight at Applebee's and throw rocks at trains. So, if you're looking for a different scene, you just might find yourself at a craps table in Niagara. Just 30 minutes from downtown Buffalo by car, a gambling addiction is just a hop, skip, and a jump away.

2.) McDermott is having a hard time fitting in.

The Bills got off to a hot start and looked to be breaking out of their tradition of mediocrity. Then McDermott realized that he needed to find a way to get back to Buffalo's roots before the fans turned on him and started to believe he was some kind of hero... After shedding as much talent as possible before the trade deadline, he still possessed that abhorrent winning record. Cue Peterman. I can't think of a faster way to go from playoff contender to top-10 pick than starting a 5th rd. pick against a top-10 defense with both teams vying for a shot at a wildcard spot. We'll know if this theory is true when we see McDermott set himself on fire while chugging a Blue Light as he crashes through a folding table.

3.) Nathan Peterman's dad talked to him about his son getting more playing time.

How many times did this happen growing up? Freaking Michael Gibson, the worst kid on the team, would suddenly be in the starting lineup. And no, he didn't have a good week of practice, he can't even catch. His attorney father had a few words with coach in the parking lot after a game where Mikey didn't play. Google told me Nathan's dad's name is Chuck. And Chuck Peterman sounds like a guy who talks to coaches in the parking lot.

Colorado Copper - Dre Kirkpatrick fumbles 100-yard INT return

Any time Brock "the Hawk" Osweiler is in the red zone, you can be absolutely sure something wild will happen. Seldom is it a scoring play, that's off brand for this gun-slinging arm punter. He's a pin em deep kind of guy. So, before you poke fun at Dre Kirkpatrick for fumbling the rock with just 15 yards to go, you have to understand the wizardry of the Brocktopus. Watch the tape closely, a couple extra pre-snap finger licks will tell you all you need to know. Poor Dre tried to carry a greased pig skin 100 yards at full speed. Even though he recovered it at the 1 and the Bengals cashed in for 6 the ensuing series, Cincy still missed the PAT. And that was Brock's plan all along. A 13-point swing is always worth it to get in the kicker's head early.

Loco Bueno - Roger Lewis circus catch

If you didn't know anything about this NFL season and I told you that a 1-8 team won their second game of the year by a score of 12-9 in OT, which team are you picturing? Probably the Browns, although two wins is a decent season for them. Maybe the Texans or the Jets then? Nope, the New York Football Giants. And here's some interesting news, Giants fans: Jerry Reese was seen at the UCLA vs. USC game over the weekend. Which is great because if you never address the offensive line issues in the draft, they'll just resolve themselves. The smart move is to use a top 5-pick on Rosen. He's 5-6 as a starter in the powerhouse Pac- 12 which proves he's more than capable of being the guy in New York. But yeah, great catch Roger Lewis.

Ragin Cajun - Alvin Kamara bobble TD catch/Saints' offense

The Saints look good, folks. There's no hiding it. They're the only team that seem to match the Eagles' explosiveness on both sides of the ball. Now with that said, the Redskins' defense...they're a little suspect. As a safety, shouldn't you foam at the mouth seeing a receiver bobble the ball in the middle of the field? If a receiver doesn't catch it clean on a crossing pattern that's supposed to end with the safety laying the hit stick on him. But the tackling here looks like a neighborhood Turkey Ball game on Thanksgiving. Alvin Kamara is the kid that hit puberty early and everyone is afraid to tackle because his body is now 90% semi-truck. I broke my collarbone tackling an Alvin once, and I wasn't getting paid to play. I cried and walked home holding my arm for the love of the game.

Honorable Mentions:

Every NFL fan prays their team doesn't draft Baker Mayfield before the 4th round after his sideline antics
USC kicker lays out UCLA kick returner
Gostkowski buries a 62-yarder with plenty of leg

Happy Thanksgiving, see you next week.

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