The Sauce Awards - Week 12

November 29, 2017 | Leave a Comment

We are now done with 75% of the NFL regular season and I have to say, thank goodness nobody made me predict division champs in the preseason. The Giants, Packers and Bucs can breathe a sigh of relief knowing they don't have the added pressure of a weekly wing blog's endorsement. Carefree tanking is a beautiful thing, folks. Let's get saucy:

The Slayer - Mohamed Sanu slings his third career TD

Mohamed Sanu is now 6-6 for 228 yards with three TDs in his six-year career. Which, in case you were wondering, equates to a passer rating of 158.3. Now, if you are a team with question marks at the quarterback position or just one that likes to make poor decisions in free agency like, say, the Cleveland Browns, might you consider trading for Sanu? Allow me to be the liaison that makes this deal a reality.

Upsides:

-The Browns will get a guy that can play multiple positions. You never know when you'll need that dual threat integrated into your playbook to throw defenses for a loop. The Dolphins put smokin' Jay Cutler in the wildcat any time they feel like making a secondary quiver.

- QBs that wear receiver gloves are always better. i.e. Brady, Roethlisberger, Palmer, Manning

- There is nowhere to go but up for the Browns. They could use this small sample size to make a major franchise decision, donate to The Rock's presidential campaign, it doesn't matter - There are no moves they could make that would be any more wrong that what they've done up to this point anyway.

Downsides:

- Sanu has never turned the ball over before so this will be a challenging adjustment for a turnover-friendly organization. Perhaps they can meet somewhere in the middle.

- Mohamed Sanu is accustomed to being on a team that is really good at blowing leads, not a team that never has one. #28to3

Clearly, the pros outweigh the cons so let's get this done sooner rather than later, please.

The Boss - Zay Jones summons inner Michael Jackson

It's rare that someone from Buffalo makes anything, other than crashing through a folding table while on fire, look cool. But man, is watching Zay Jones stand up after this Tyrod overthrow amazing. He looks like a member of the Jabbawockeez for Pete's sake. And If you don't get that reference, you better have a good excuse for why you were busy all of 2008. I literally have no idea how he did this and I haven't gotten any closer to figuring it out after 300 loops of this gif. The only thing we can safely conclude is that Jones has spent more than his fair share of time sock sliding on his hardwood floor to Michael Jackson's, "Bad."

Loco Bueno - Raiders get their first INT of the season

Is it problematic that the Raiders got their first interception of the season in week 12 against Denver? To put it bluntly, yes. But late is better than never and the 5-6 Raiders are only a game out of first place in their division. What won't help them though, is Michael Crabtree having his chain ripped off by Aqib Talib during their extracurricular activities on Sunday. Basing my assumption off the movie, Like Mike, the necklace gave Crabtree super football abilities. Hence the reason he lost the fight when the necklace was seized from his possession. That and he never landed a clean punch. He's going to need to find that necklace before his suspension is up or Crabtree and more importantly, the Raiders, are in trouble.

Atomic Meltdown - Drew Kaser completely misses the net

This is pretty much every video submission ever on AFV. I can see it so vividly:

The clip plays and Tom Bergeron delivers his best, G-rated quip to date, "juuuuuust a hair to the right." The audience erupts in laughter. An innocent mistake exposed by Tom's natural showmanship is too much for this suburban, middle-aged demographic. The ball normally goes IN the net and they know it. They've seen enough football before. Not a ton, but enough. Tom sways, smiling at the camera with a confidence unmatched by any other host on ABC. He really brought it to this taping.

Oh, and Kaser missed two extra points during the game. Shocker.

Gold Rush - Auburn fans get stuck in the hedges

Could you imagine getting stuck in the hedges trying to storm the field after your beloved, Auburn upset top-ranked, Alabama? I'll bet my bottom dollar there was a campus-wide email about being more considerate of the groundskeepers sent out the next day. Or at least, an article published by the school paper. If not, I've got the headline done already: "Hedges Prove Stronger Against Rush than Bama." The article basically writes itself.

Honorable Mentions:

- Someone give Eli Manning a hug, someone fire Mcadoo and someone fire Reese. You don't bench the greatest Giant's quarterback of all time (hot take) for Geno Smith. Not after he brought your franchise TWO Super Bowl rings and one of the best upsets in sports. The poor guy was holding back tears at his locker when confronted by the media. Eli deserves better, shame on the Mara's for letting this transpire under their watch.

- Alvin Kamara jumped over a dude.

- Leonard Fournette showed a fan some love in Arizona.

- The Eagles celebrated as a team with the electric slide.

That's all the sauce we've got. See you next week!

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