The Sauce Awards - Week 13

December 05, 2017 | Leave a Comment

Week 13 of the NFL just wrapped up which means there were some hearts broken in fantasy football on Monday night. I sympathize with those that will not get to set their lineups one last time... unless of course, you're filled with pride and trying to win the consolation bracket. I think regardless of the outcome of your season, you can be thankful that your league didn't decide to do a last place punishment like taking the SAT. Let's get saucy:

Old Yeller - Things get spicy on the Patriots' sideline

Why was ol' Tommy Tom so upset? I mean, the Patriots are pretty much a lock to win the AFC East for who knows how many consecutive years, they sat atop the conference heading into Sunday's matchup with the Bills, and had the lead at this point in the game. Relax and play football, right? Nope. Bill Belichick is a soulless robot who was programmed with decades of football film instead of emotions. He lives his life from play to play, and wouldn't hesitate to trade Brady for a 4th round draft pick if he begins to see any signs of regression. Don't believe me? Check this out:

Yeah, the 5-time champion is playing for his job each and every week. Heck, just look at poor Eli. He was sat in favor of Geno Smith, who should not be a part of any team's future QB plans. There is constant pressure on Brady to perform. So, if the Old Yeller wants to blow some steam and fire off a couple profanities at Josh McDaniels, I think it's only fair we look the other way.

Atomic Meltdown - Jose loses out on 100k

He had to have been given some sort of heads up, right? He's in the jersey, he's wearing close-toed shoes, and they've got his first and last name on the telestrator. That's a strong enough case to believe the production intern didn't just snatch him from the Auburn student section in the waning seconds of the first half. And with 100k on the line, I cannot accept this showing. Look, I'm fine with losing. If you prepared diligently and left it all on the field, it's ok to be bettered by your opponent. But it was evident Jose didn't practice. Besides betting against himself, the only other explanation for Jose's apathetic approach is that he's selected to participate in real life-Mario Party mini games for thousands of dollars on the regular. Someone please find me Jose, I'd like to pick his brain over a friendly match of Shy Guy Says.

Loco Bueno- Tarik Cohen returns punt for TD

If you were expecting Tarik Cohen to run straight back into his own end zone and take a knee because he's wearing a Bears jersey, think again. They were playing the 49ers, the only team a panicked punt return scramble works better on than the Giants. But we probably should've known Cohen was going to do create-your-own Madden player things when the rookie put out this video in the preseason.


Habanero Hots - Marcus Peters chucks flag into stands

This is basically what House Basketball looked like in high school. If your team was scheduled for a 9pm game on a Friday night and you had a midnight curfew, you had better find a way to get kicked out before halftime if you wanted to hold any credibility in the C-locker bay come Monday. Things got tricky if your parents were in attendance, however. It's tough to make a convincing argument that the ref is being unreasonable after you punted the ball into the rafters. So, I get where Marcus Peters is coming from, he had plans. It probably wasn't a house party at Andrew O'Neill's but certainly something more important than a game against the Jets.


It's every defensive player's dream to Lambeau Leap at least once in their career... Waltzing into the end zone untouched, euphoria overcomes Dean Lowry. He knows his dream is about to be realized. Heading through the back of the end zone towards the stands he doesn't hesitate in selecting which Green Bay faithful will join him in jubilation. He places his hands on the wall and leaps and ... uh oh. He's too big to get up unassisted, and too heavy to be pulled up by fans without proper warning. Did he really come all this way for nothing? Yes, yes, he did.

But there's good news, Dean. We cordially invite you to come to Wild Wing Cafe for one free lunch at the all you can eat wing bar. Trust us, jumping is infinity times more overrated than eating infinity wings.

Honorable Mentions:

-Baker Mayfield pegs a ball at a TCU player's head in warmups
-East Rutherford rejoices as McAdoo and Reese are "relieved from their duties"
-Dion Lewis had a monster stiff arm I've only seen in NFL street

That's all the sauce we've got, see you next week.