The Sauce Awards - Week 8October 31, 2017 | Leave a Comment
Week 8 in the NFL has come to a close and with the injury to Joe Flacco, I think I'm finally ready to say there are no good quarterbacks left. I held out after Bradford and then again when Rodgers went down. But when one of the league's most elite gets viciously knocked out in a Thursday night game, I can no longer remain silent. My only remaining beacon of hope for solid quarterback play is Eli Manning but he was on a bye. Ugh! Alright, enough jokes. Let's get down to some serious saucy business.
Atomic Meltdown - Belichick's curse gets hold of Benjamin
Call it a poor decision, call it a good punt, call it trying to do too much, quite frankly, it doesn't matter to me. This is all the doings of Bill Belichick. He is a football gypsy whose voodoo has permeated throughout the league since the turn of the millennium. His presence alone makes boys of men and I'm told if you look him in the eyes, he demotes you to special teams. I'm not quite sure how he wins over locker rooms. Watch any snippet of a postgame interview and you'll see how deflating he is. I'm not just talking about the PSI levels of game balls, folks. The demon that possessed the Annabelle doll found a human host in Belichick's body and is determined to rip out the hearts of every opposing football fan. So, I don't blame Travis Benjamin at all, he was playing on a cursed gridiron. The guy is a good returner, he just happened to stumble into the Belichick vortex on the wrong day of the week.
The Slayer - Marshawn???
Is this Marshawn Lynch? After all, he was last seen at his former high school stiff arming 15 year olds in practice, so... is this Marshawn Lynch? If someone told me he had a cousin at San Diego State I would say go ahead and put it all on red, that's free money. But what Beast Mode does in his suspended week off is up to Beast Mode. If he wants to recreate scenes from the 'Little Giants,' at the collegiate level, who are we to stop him?
Gold Rush - Juju on that bike
Juju Smith-Schuster has revolutionized the NFL touchdown dance. He's only scored four times, yet we've seen him play dice, hide and seek, deliver a Kamehameha and now securely lock up a stationary bike. The former was a demonstration inspirited by this past week's mystery of his stolen bicycle. An episode that had local authorities and even Antonio Brown involved, with Brown offering free tickets to a home game for the bike's safe return. But Juju didn't need to celebrate after housing a 97-yard reception to win me over. He just may be the most entertaining athlete on social media right now. Sorry Joel Embiid, but viral dances like 'Juju on dat beat,' and selfie videos from bike rides home are hard to compete with.
Flying Fajita - Tyrod leaps
I would like to issue a formal apology to every Buffalo Bills fan out there. I made some slanderous comments back in Week 4 about the Bills' uncanny ability to fall apart after hot starts and finish 7-9 every year. So, I apologize, and it's obvious to me now... The Bills are clearly bound for a collapse far greater than anyone in upstate New York could ever fathom. Perhaps they'll reach the 7-2 mark before dropping seven straight. Or perhaps they'll win 10 games then have three wins erased for some unperceived future violation. Think of Tyrod Taylor's body as a metaphor. Diving headfirst only to be pushed back in 180 degrees to an all too familiar 7-9 fate.
Colorado 'Cop-out' Coppers- A beautifully executed fake cramp
Ahh the ole '12-men-on-the-field-fake-cramp-trick.' I'm used to seeing this during the two-minute drill to stop the clock or avoid an offside call but this is an innovative application of the practice. I'm very much on board but you just have to make sure you're ready to hear endless nicknames like, "crampy," "Legolas," and "diaper face." I'm sure his teammates appreciated it though. At the very least, he saved everyone from a practice full of sprints.
-The World Series. I mean, are you guys watching this thing!? Oh, my goodness it's like watching Backyard Baseball but everyone is Pablo Sanchez. Ok sorry, back to football.
-Russell Wilson edges out Deshaun Watson in a career day
-People are calling Carson Wentz the MVP frontrunner after beating the 49ers. Haha.
Ok that's all I've got. See you guys for more sauce next week.