The Sauce Awards - Week 9

November 08, 2017 | Leave a Comment

The NFL is a very weird league. One week you think you have it figured out and you know what each team is about, and then they just go ahead and do the opposite because that's what the NFL does. Is it possible that the league is so even its uneven? Let that sink in while we get saucy:

Atomic Meltdown - AJ "MacGregor" Green loses it

This is a very serious issue and we hope that AJ Green is penalized accordingly. I mean, helmet punching? Come on, there's no place for that in the league. You'd think this would've fixed itself after they got rid of leather helmets but somehow, we keep seeing this behavior each year. I'm no expert, but if the NFL is anything like JV football, then you need to not have broken hands to play receiver. Take a page out of the book of Andre Johnson and rip the helmet off, AJ. Unless your fist is also wearing a helmet, head protection technology has probably advanced far enough to absorb the contact.

Chipotle Jolt - Tyreek Hill reminds us that he's fast

The eye test is all you need to see that Tyreek Hill is approximately four times faster than any other player in the league. So, giving him the ball with space to run and downfield blocking is something you typically want to avoid as an opposing team trying to close out the half. But as a Chiefs coach, you're thrilled that Hill can simply run around defenders without having to juke. Less mileage on the knees. Especially in a league where every player's ACL is made of string cheese. Thanks for being the definition of an explosive player Tyreek, it's fun to watch. And thanks for scoring on the Cowboys, that's really fun to watch.

Flying Fajita - The Marshall Newhouse scoop and soar

For years, I thought the "Scoop and Score" was the most exciting play in football... A loose ball found itself in the custody of a fortuitous hero as thousands rise to their feet. Applause reverberated through a stadium electrified by the extraordinary. A touchdown, and a celebration dressed in the innocence only a first timer could wear... But I come to you today, brimming with the regret that I was ever once so impossibly naìve. So desperately misguided. I ask that you try to find it in your hearts to forgive me of my shortcomings. For I was lost but now I know better. The "Scoop and Soar" is the most exciting play in football. Marshall Newhouse has shown me the truth and for that I will follow him wherever he goes. Or just get a jersey.

Braveheart - Cam Newton Superman's his way into the end zone

Why did Cam Newton posterize a Pop Warner defense disguised as the Atlanta Falcons' secondary? Because he felt like it. And why did Cam Newton give a misinformed Titanic reference when asked about the loss of Kelvin Benjamin in a post-game press conference? Because he... well actually he was like five years old when the Titanic came out so it's not that crazy to think he's never seen it. But we are giving him the Braveheart award this week because we really hope he knows the ending to at least a couple 90's classics.

Red Dragon - Baker Mayfield throws for a lot of yards

If you throw for 598 yards and five touchdowns on only 36 attempts, you obviously have a receiver on your team that goes by the nickname, "Hollywood." It's the only reason you would ever believe those statistics aren't made up. That's Marquise, "Hollywood" Brown who connected with Baker Mayfield for 265 of those yards. But I'm not quite buying Baker Mayfield and the Sooners yet. I mean, if Matt Flynn can throw for 480 yards in his second start ever, it must not be that hard. I still have four years of NCAA eligibility left if any colleges are looking for a guy who has decent footwork and calls their grandparents regularly.

Honorable Mentions:

-The Giants surrender a first down on 3rd and 33
-I'm holding out strong as one of the few remaining people who aren't sold on the Eagles yet
-Jameis Winston gave a really weird pregame speech

That's it you little saucy sauces. See you next week for more sauce.